if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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