sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
