During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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