This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
