I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
