If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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