If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
