I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
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Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
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Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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