I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
