Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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