So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
