Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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