Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
