hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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