my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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