Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
