is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
