I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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