Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
