I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
