i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
