I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
