A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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