her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I think my moral compass just broke
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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