I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
