Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
