My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize