The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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