absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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