you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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