But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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