Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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