If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
