i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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