Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
