My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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