If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
His hands were made for my vagina.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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