Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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