Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
