i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
