We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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