a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
