3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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