I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
