can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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