Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
