my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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