she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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