According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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