clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
