My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
This girl is more easily done than said...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
40s are totally the cure
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
