they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
