she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
