These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
