Your mouth is God's brothel.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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