She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
