True but thats because hes a fetus.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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