Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
