I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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