I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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