What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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