K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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