I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
