Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
