In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So many bounce houses so little time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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