Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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