A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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