went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
