I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Randomize
