you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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