your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
