It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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