Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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